I went to the funeral today of a man who was 4 months older than me.  His name was Ben.  I sat with his children about a week ago, Mackenzie, Casey and Gage, and talked with them about their dad.  Ben was down the hall in the master bedroom. He was dying of cancer.  It had been a long journey.  Four years ago, Ben hadn’t been feeling well and the doctor came to him with shocking news.  There were many treatment possibilities, there was hope.  Ultimately, Ben lost that physical battle. 

His children told me stories of the amazing dad they had known.  He was their hero.  It was difficult for them to watch their dad wither away.  He was only 45!  He was only 45! He was their rock, their role model, he set the tone for fun in their family.  He modeled integrity and discipline, faith and mostly, love.  He absolutely loved music.  He taught lessons to his children with music.  In fact, Ben taught lessons to everyone in his life using songs, sharing music.  What an honor to hear his kids hearts and stories the other day as he lay down the hall waiting to encounter the ultimate healing.  Today, at his service, a band he played with set the tone for what would be an amazing celebration of his life.  They played Bob Marley songs and KISS (his favorite band). They sang amazing grace.  Ben’s best friend got up and spoke about the amazing man that he was.  His sister shared how much she loved her brother and how much he absolutely loved life.  It was moving.  It was powerful.  It was honoring!

I could not help but feel a lump in my throat, a tear running down my face as I thought about the shortness of Ben’s life here on this earth, about the tragedy of his kids growing up without their dad, the finality of our physical last breath.  It was overwhelming.  I am his age.  I could be in his shoes.  I could be gone in an instant. Truth is, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.  My life is like a vapor according to the the writer James in the Bible.  In the grand scheme of things, our time is short here on this earth, very short.  Whether we have 20 years, 45 or 90, it is miniscule in the span of eternity.  I was thinking, as I sat there in the odd celebration/heartbreak of that moment about what is eternal.  Is my day to day worry eternal?  Is my pursuit of what I want going to leave a legacy?  

I heard a lot about love today, a lot about passing on heart, passion, integrity and character.  I heard a lot about teaching with our lives, about being true to who we are, who we love, what we love!  What do I love?  Who do I love?  What would my funeral be about?  Would it be about what I pursued or who I pursued?  Would it be about what I did or about how I loved?  What would it be?  Ben loved music, who did you love Neil? What marks our lives? What marks my life? What leaves a legacy of goodness and purity?  What pursuits, what reckless abandon made this life significant?  What would Ben want known about him?  What would I want known and said?

I want you to know, those of you who are reading this, that if tonight my life ended here on this earth, that I hope my life was about love!  I pray that the legacy left in the wake of me leaving would be one of passing on an authentic, no bullshit, no holds barred love.  I want you to know that I love you that way.  I would hate to leave here early.  I would not wish that or desire it, but if I do go, please promise me some things. Please promise to love with all of who you are, not just because Jesus told you to, but, hopefully, because you saw me live that way, you felt loved that way.  I want that to be the legacy I leave behind.  No matter when I die, I want the message of my life to have been love with passion, love with reckless abandon, love your friends with all your fucking heart!  Promise me you will pass that love on!  That would be the greatest honor I could imagine.  That is what life is about. 

Music is awesome and it does teach us.  I was blown away by the way Ben used music to educate the people in his life about living, about loving.  I want the stories told about me to be about how I loved!  I want to work hard toward accomplishing that. I don’t know how much time I have.  I feel it is running out.  I am not planning on going anywhere, but holy shit, I went to the funeral of a guy who is four months older than me today!  I am not guaranteed anything.  No promises have been made to me about how long I will be here.  I have to work hard at living in who I am, who I have been created to be.  I want to live in passionate, no bullshit, expressive, over the top love!  I love you friends.  I love you!  I love living.  I love loving.  I love you!  I want to make the most of the time I have.  I love you!