Why do I have such a hard time spending the day by myself? I get so edgy and bummed out.  I feel like I get angry so easily on these days.  I was in the parking lot today walking up to the bank and this lady just kept driving instead of letting me go in front of her.  I walked right at her window and punched the air. Why? Driving, I was yelling at people like a dang fool. Then I get pissed at myself for being so irritated and frustrated.  It’s like I can’t stand being with me, like I struggle when I can’t feel the love of my friends by being with them. It’s weird because I love living alone, but I don’t like being alone. I like to drive alone, especially on roads that challenge my car and give me a chance to go fast. Why don’t I like being just with me?  I have asked this question a lot in conversation with my counselor.  He suggests that my life is so social that I don’t know what to do with quiet or alone time.  I get irritated, in his estimation, because it’s unusual for me to not be with someone. It’s not my normal mode of operation and so I feel uncomfortable.  I think a lot of it has to do with battling with loving myself and feeling a lot better when I can love someone else, be with them, experience their goodness, their love, their hearts. So today was an alone day that I didn’t really do anything positive with.  Thankful at least for the thoughts that have come to help me analyze it.  Lonely, edgy, frustrated, irritable, lazy.  Next time I hope it to be described more this way: full, thoughtful, restful, joyful, spiritual, accomplishing something of value. Gonna work on this.