I have always hated goodbyes.  When I was a kid, I would build up the goodbye for so long in my head, I would miss the joy of the time remaining with those I loved and had to see go.  I am in that place right now.  Goodbyes never are forever and I know that. Yet something about the anticipation of missing those I love tries to steal, tries to rob me of the amazing moments that are still happening.  The goodbye has not yet occurred.  The fear of it is the culprit.  I am pissed at the thief, I am tired of it’s presence.  I want to live in the moment and savor the good things that are in my grasp. Today I have felt defeated by that.  But, today is not over.  There is much to appreciate and much to experience.  I am determined to be real with my feelings yet not be robbed by the fear. That goodbye is coming.  It’s inevitable.  How I handle it is up to me.  How I value the time I have left is an intentional decision I need to make.  No one can do that for me.  I can live in the darkness of sad anticipation or in the light that comes from the joy of connecting with a good friends heart.  I am learning, always learning.  I need to stop hating goodbyes.  I will have to learn to embrace the process. It’s weird to have such growing pains at this age.