My mom used to always use this very common phrase when I was a kid: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”  Why?  Well, as the saying indicates, all the eggs in one basket can result in a lot of broken eggs if the basket gets dropped.  Eggs in separate baskets are more safe, more secure. Recently I have been thinking a lot about relationships.  I have had some pretty intense and reflective conversations about friendships.  I am learning.  You would think that it would be common sense not to put all my eggs in one basket when it comes to friendship.  The eggs represent several different aspects of relationship.  There is love, investment, expectation, vulnerability, intimacy, loyalty, hope, understanding, compassion, need, fulfillment etc.  The list could go on and on.  I think they are all very basic components of loving.  For years I have reminded students and friends that you can’t invest all of what you have, all of your eggs, into one person.  Often this begins to play out when guys start dropping their friends to spend more and more time with their girlfriend.  They start neglecting their friends, sometimes the friends who have been with them through their entire lives, all in the name of love.  People get hurt and those friends start to drift away.  I see girls do this a lot as well, giving everything to the guy they feel they love and losing all sense of direction in other relationships and in discerning wisdom.

I have been the guy to help people through the hurt that can occur after the eggs start to break. But now I am the one re-learning this truth. Those relationships, you know, the one basket, cannot take it for long. Eventually there will be too much pressure on that person.  When we start to lose our balance and put too much emphasis on one relationship in our lives, when we start to think that there are no other friendships that can fulfill us or meet our needs, we begin to damage that which we so desperately cherish.  There is no way that amazing friend, or that incredible boyfriend or girlfriend, can live up to the expectation that comes with that.  

Recently, I needed to apologize to an incredible friend for doing that.  The strangest thing about this problem is that while you are in it, you cannot see that you are doing it.  I had no idea the pressure my expectations were putting on my friend.  One day it hit me so clearly.  I could see the way it was pushing my friend away.  Not because he wanted to go anywhere, he was in, but because he had to start to protect himself from the unreal expectation that was laying across his shoulders, and his shoulders alone. It’s not fair.  It’s selfish to do that to the people we love.  It’s not ok and once recognized, it needs to be changed.  I was incredibly embarrassed as we began the conversations that led to working on all of this.  It’s so humbling to hear a friend share how you have changed the dynamic of your friendship.  It’s hard to hear.  It’s necessary.  I can’t believe I made that mistake.  But then again, I am flawed.  I make no excuses. I was thick headed and missing the hints that he was so gently trying to send. I was blinded by my own neediness and it almost cost me that awesome friendship.  I have to grow through this.  All of us need more than one person to help us walk through this life.  God has given us multiple friends to remind us of his presence on this journey.  We were designed to be diversified in our relationships, for one person to be equipped to help us more with one aspect and another built to help us with other issues.  We were designed to love a lot of people with all different kinds of personalities and experiences.  Will there always be those few who really get us over everyone else and can speak amazing truth into our lives?  Yes!  Those relationships are to be valued and nurtured.  One way to do that is to savor their uniqueness and not let them get crushed by the expectation that they could hold all the eggs.  I have great friends who can take some of those eggs.  I will let them have them in order to take care of all my friendships.  I have learned a great lesson.  I will be putting those eggs in lots of baskets.  I am so blessed to have amazing friends.  I am grateful for their love and patience.  What a gift!